I really love cycling. If I could get a job cycling and doing poetry, that would be ace. Anyhow, wrote this when I got to work…


This is as close as I’ll ever be to a butterfly
rain coat zipped up to my chin
for the half hour bike ride
to work

Hair bunned
at the back
to fit in the hood
helmet clipped tightly
– I am waterproof

Now pace reaches peak
the streets are attacked
Cold frosts the trees
but the sweat coats my back

until one minute left
I let myself go
cycling slow
as I unbutton clothes
jacket unzipped
helmet unclipped
from beneath
hood stripped from my forehead
hairband released

Hair ruffled with hands
to be free in the wind
body to elements
cool down my skin

At that moment
I open
and peel myself free

I feel as close to
a new butterfly
as I’ll ever be

Biology for Five Year Olds

Inspired by my daughter and the Cambridge Science Festival, I can’t stop writing lots of pretty rubbish rhymes about questions she has asked me and questions I’m still not sure I know the answers too!

Most of them are using words she knows in first year of school. Tgought I’d share!

Here is the biology section!! x

I am sad

I start to cry

Water runs out

From my eyes


Why do I have water from my eyes?


I eat a cherry

The cherry is red

But when I poo

It’s brown instead


Why is my poo brown?


I eat beans for lunch

The beans go in my belly

I start to fart

The fart is smelly


Why do I fart? And why is it smelly?


I eat more beans

I fart some more

That fart is like a lion –



Why has a fart got a noise?


I jump and jump

on my bed

And when I stop

My face is red


Why is my face red if I jump a lot?


I play all day

And do not drink

When I wee

It really stinks


Why is wee stinky if I do not drink a lot?


I eat an ice cream

Then 5 more

My belly starts

To feel sore


Why is my belly sore if I eat and eat and eat?


I put on socks

The day is hot

My toes get sweaty

Till I take the socks off


Why do I get sweaty feet?


I cut my knee

It bleeds a bit

A scab soon grows

To cover / plaster it


What is a scab?


In my nose

If I dig deep

Is a hole

Where bogeys sleep


What is a bogey?


Hollie x


There will be chairs…..

I don’t normally get that excited about poetry. But I am now. I’m really bloody excited about the tour.

These gigs are the only ones this year where I’m gonna be doing a full on, hour long, unadulterated (not sure what that means) night of poems. Plus an amazing support poet at each of the gigs.



Dates and links are below – any questions, ask in the comments.

And thanks for all your support xxx

15th April 2015 – Pleasance Theatre:

16th April 2015 – The Lemon Tree:

17th April 2015 – Old Town Hall:

22nd April 2015 – Dancehouse Theatre:

23rd April 2015 – The Glee Club:

24th April 2015 – Banking Hall:

25th April 2015 – Wenlock Poetry Festival:

28th April – Leicester Square Theatre:

5th May – Cambridge Junction:

6th May 2015 – The Glee Club:

7th May 2015 – The Lantern, Colston Hall:

14th May 2015 – McHugh’s Bar:

15th May 2015 – Roisin Dubh:

16th May 2015 – The Sugar Club:

17th May 2015 – Cypress Avenue:


Follow Hollie Poetry online:


Poem on Voting x

If you have no need for public transport
If you never relied on NHS
If you have never sat down in a state school
If you’ve never had to pay out rent
If you’ve never done a shitty job
Smiled through gritted teeth to knobs
If you’ve never had to cook or mop
Budget for a weekly shop
I do not understand
How your CV could come out top
To lead decisions on curriculum, housing, health, transport or jobs.

Trying to decide who to vote for. Watching lots of Question Time, interviews and other stuff you can do as a parent who can’t really go and listen to lots of actual people talking in real life about this stuff.
But I just keep writing short rhymes about it. Always good to clear the mind a bit, reminding me of being back at school writing poems about physics equations (I did do that, yes!)

I know it does not mean they’ll be a better leader if, for example, they went to a state school (Ed Miliband), or have had a shit job at some point in their lives, but when they’ve done none of the above, none of the above, I can’t handle it. I know this is not how to make decisions on voting but I wish I could get a sheet of the leaders of parties educational, rental, healthcare, transport and employment backgrounds too x


A Poem about Bums

New Poem…

Bums bums bums. Am meant to be booking trains for tour and editing a new poetry collection but instead I’m thinking about bums. So thought I’d share. Not a well put together poem I know, it’s no Virginia Woolf, just a bit of a splat on the page I thought I’d post because, well, what else will I do with it than add it to another 200 unused poems sat in my notepads for years! So thanks for following, thanks for all your comments and advice, thanks for coming to gigs, thanks for supporting the next tour and thanks for having such lovely and useful bums holding your legs together so well x


People talking every day about
The topic of the year
Is it fun to shake about or just a thing for us to jeer at
Have I seen the videos?
Do I think that they’re ok?
People asking me about bums
Anaconda bums from Nikki Minaj
Kim Kardashian’s new photoshoot
Is it racist, is it class?
JLo’s and Iggy’s latest dance
Pretending to be lesbians
Female bums,
oiled and greased,
more striptease for MTV
Is J-Lo’s bum too old? we cry
Is Iggy’s bum too white?
But J-Lo’s 43 they say
As we slag her off all night
Then Meghan Trainer steps up and it’s all about the bass again
And the beats are so damn good and the lyrics stick inside your head
Conversations starts again
Fleshy bits are better
Her mum says men don’t like it thin
Questions, comments flooding in
Is it all about the bass, is it all about the bass?
Can Miley Cryus twerk
Has that girl got no damn taste?
Everyday I get the same discussions bouncing in my face
Is it female liberation to dance the way you want
Or is it corporate US making money selling women’s bodies
Is it wrong?
Is it positive for girls with bigger bums>
Is it just a bit of fun
Is it fair?
Isss itttt faiiiiirrr?
And truthfully my answer is I just don’t fucking care.
It’s a bum.
I have one.
My mum does too.
Sits on hers 60 hours a week
A nurses bum with aching cheeks
My mum has a flat bum, bonier than me
My daughter says her bum is the best bit of her body
Cos it’s soft
My gran has got a bum
It sits alone a lot
My friend has got a doctor’s bum that never ever stops
Before my granddad died he had a bum
Ghandi did as well
There’s a bum between the legs of the president of Brazil
That woman, running a massive fucking country over there
Most people’s bum have hair on
Though we don’t like to admit it
The first women into space covered her bum with a padded spacesuit
When Rosa parks sat on a bus her bum refused to move for bums more light
And she was taken with all the other bums who marched for civil rights
Happy people have bums
Depressed people do as well
If you do not wipe your bum, your bum will really smell
You use you bum to run
You also use your bum to sit
Having a slightly smaller bum does not make you a skinny bitch
Having a slightly larger bum does not make you a big booty ho
Last weekend 40,000 bums sat on seats waiting for a goal from the England Women’s football team who used their butt muscles to kick and pass
The Williams sisters use their bums to move from side to side very fast
So when you ask me what I think of female bums, I like them, I think they’re great
I wish there were more of them in parliament, businesses and sports games
And men’s bums too, in case you wonder, I like them just the same
Like a personal piece of fat for everyone to sit on when you’re drained
Saves you carrying a cushion or a pillow in your bag
And if your bum is fit and healthy
It’s the best you’ll ever have