Are my tour gigs baby friendly?

Short answer: Yes. Bring the baby no problem, but cover their ears.

Long answer:

I’m finding that as a parent it’s kind of different going on tour. First off, I cannot do 15 straight tour dates, all in a line. So the tour agency has fitted the dates around the school run and my partner’s work schedule.

Now onto breastfeeding and babies…

I’ve had quite a few new (or very pregnant) mums asking if they can bring babies – mainly newborns who they are feeding or cannot leave with anyone – to the tour gigs. I totally get this. I had a gig at Ronnie Scotts when my daughter was 8months old and I was feeding her. I assumed that an over 18 venue would still let me in with my kid to work. But no. So my mum walked her around Chinatown in the cold for two hours while I did my poetry. I don’t want anyone doing that (although the food is good). I can understand it from the venue’s point of view but I don’t want that to be the case at my gigs.

So I’ve asked the tour agency about it. And they’ve asked all the venues. And they’ve asked all the venue managers. And the answer is yes. You can. Ofcourse. The gigs are over 15 mainly, but attached babies go under this radar and will not be ID’d

A few queries have been asked back:

What if the babies cry?
What if the babies scream?
What if the babies make noise during the whole performance and no one can hear any of the poetry?

So as a parent I’m assuming other parents are the same as me :

You’d prefer a night out without a baby on you
If that’s not possible, then you also want to hear what’s going on on stage at the show you’ve paid to see and wouldn’t just sit with a baby screaming in your ear. No-one does that. No-one at any gig I’ve ever been to.

So final call – if you cannot leave your baby and want to come and here some poetry, the gigs will be baby friendly. I’ll ask people to leave the aisle seats clear for necessary getaways or walkings up and down the back rocking a baby to sleep

But: Caution: it is an adult gig. I will be swearing and talking about sex sometimes. As far as I know, babies on boobs or bottles do not pick up cuss words that young, but if your kid’s first words are:
‘in a country of billboards covered in tits’
please don’t blame me.

I often have newborn babies at gigs I’m asked to do. And it has never ever been an issue. You are welcome. The same does not apply to small pets.

Any questions or queries, post them under here in the comments and I’ll answer xxx